when i am given what i do not deserve, i am drawn to tears
there is much in life i do not deserve
from the depths of inadequacy and ineptitude, in the same breathe, i scream and whisper
2.21.2007
A Prayer for Ash Wednesday
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that, if I do this, you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that, if I do this, you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
From "Thoughts in Solitude" by Thomas Merton
2.20.2007
2.15.2007
15 February
My Official Stance of Valentine's Day: its a silly holiday where people are supposed to show how much they care about their "significant other." This very assumed gesture of love, therefore, loses its thoughtfulness.
That being said, here's how my Wednesday, the 14th of February, went...
1. The excitement of my friend, Kate, was contagious and cheered my normally "blah" mood during class lecture hours. She also brought me a tulip that now resides in a glass of water beside my bed. Bless her!
2. I went for coffee with my friend, David, and our discussion was very animated and quite entertaining!
3. Home for a bubble bath with some Shiraz :) and a package from Mum [contents: heart candy, a pink monkey, some cool paper, a sweet note]
4. My roommates started making cookies- heartshaped- with entertaining phrases like "kiss my ass" and "kiss me never" and "forever" with a big X through it. I love them so much!
5. Brandon picked me up to make dinner at his house. We agreed not to do anything for each other- cause Im not big on the holiday. We just wanted to have a nice dinner together. So, away we cooked and watched TV [on tivo delay]. It was very nice. Its good for me to relax!! haha
6. Janna came over to decorate John's room and that was humorous... construction paper signs, rose petals, chocolate kisses. LOVE the cheesiness of the holiday!
7. Watched Lost [on a two minute delay- THANK YOU, Brandon! Im surprised you did it, to be honest] together... The first time I witnessed him experiencing a new episode... I liked how excited and thoughtful he was the whole time... "it was great" *scottish brogue*
8. Came home. SO HAPPY that we spent the evening together and didnt partake of the cheesiness of the day.
9. Got in bed- and under my pillow- alas, he broke our promise. a very sweet and thoughtful note with a CD of magicalness all wrapped up.
well done, sir. you succeeded in sufficiently surprising me, going against my specific request, and pleasing me all in the same go. Thank you, sir.
[I understand that many disagree with me. I'm simply stating my opinion.]
That being said, here's how my Wednesday, the 14th of February, went...
1. The excitement of my friend, Kate, was contagious and cheered my normally "blah" mood during class lecture hours. She also brought me a tulip that now resides in a glass of water beside my bed. Bless her!
2. I went for coffee with my friend, David, and our discussion was very animated and quite entertaining!
3. Home for a bubble bath with some Shiraz :) and a package from Mum [contents: heart candy, a pink monkey, some cool paper, a sweet note]
4. My roommates started making cookies- heartshaped- with entertaining phrases like "kiss my ass" and "kiss me never" and "forever" with a big X through it. I love them so much!
5. Brandon picked me up to make dinner at his house. We agreed not to do anything for each other- cause Im not big on the holiday. We just wanted to have a nice dinner together. So, away we cooked and watched TV [on tivo delay]. It was very nice. Its good for me to relax!! haha
6. Janna came over to decorate John's room and that was humorous... construction paper signs, rose petals, chocolate kisses. LOVE the cheesiness of the holiday!
7. Watched Lost [on a two minute delay- THANK YOU, Brandon! Im surprised you did it, to be honest] together... The first time I witnessed him experiencing a new episode... I liked how excited and thoughtful he was the whole time... "it was great" *scottish brogue*
8. Came home. SO HAPPY that we spent the evening together and didnt partake of the cheesiness of the day.
9. Got in bed- and under my pillow- alas, he broke our promise. a very sweet and thoughtful note with a CD of magicalness all wrapped up.
well done, sir. you succeeded in sufficiently surprising me, going against my specific request, and pleasing me all in the same go. Thank you, sir.
The day was also my father's 64th Birthday- Happy Birthday, Turkey! I love you!
*perhaps more pictures will follow*
2.11.2007
a return
i have the bug again. i want to travel. im here but i dont want to be. im ready to get out of here... to leave clemson for a nice long time and see things. see anything. see something different. i need space and time and air and freshness. i need something new. i need to change.
[but i just got back from a road trip- not two months ago!]
how does one stay still when all she wants to do is escape? how can she escape when she has no way out?
[but i just got back from a road trip- not two months ago!]
how does one stay still when all she wants to do is escape? how can she escape when she has no way out?
2.05.2007
2.02.2007
An Assumed Correction
In reference to Ed's comment from the previous post, the alleged truth is that Dandy and Professor Murrelet were my favourite part of the trip. This allegation does exclude Leigha [late night photographer here]. That is not fair.
*rumour has it that the Alamo has a webcam... this means, people could have been watching Matt pee on the walls... a frightening proposition*
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