under the weather

posts are way behind. but my brain is also way behind. 

still on the couch, still on meds, still on liquids. 

some prayer would be appreciated as i go back to work tomorrow and try to function reasonably.

thanks, friends.

two posts, five teeth

hi friends. getting five teeth pulled today. this has immensely filled my mind, my focus, my sleep, everything. some prayer would be appreciated. catch up on posting soon (thinking Friday).

Post Twenty-four: Ugliness

Le laid peut être beau.

Post Twenty-three: Beauty

perspective

A quest for eternity is surely, also, a quest for true beauty. Thomas Aquinas said, "Beauty is that which being seen, pleases." What are the beautiful things that I do not recognize because I cannot see? Where are the pleasures my distraction blocks from me? What are you trying to show me, Lord? 

Open my eyes that I may see.

Post Twenty-Two: Eternity

fading

Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

Viceverses by Switchfoot

To listen to the full song, which I highly recommend, click here.

Post Twenty-one: the Impostor

hope II

In Life's Extras, whilst standing in a hurricanesque storm on a mountain-top, Archibald Rutledge saw a single shining star through the clouds. It was as if it whispered to him.

This storm is an impostor. It is momentary. The sky is here, and the stars; all shall be well.

Post Twenty: Hope

hope

behind the clouds, light never stops shining

Post Nineteen: We have to Trust

My used-to-be-boyfriend/now-husband knows I love books. Often, to cheer or surprise me, he will take me to a bookstore or library unannounced. On one such occasion, a few years back we were in a used book store when I found a treasure: a small, well-loved Archibald Rutledge book. As the poet laureate of South Carolina for many years, you can imagine he has a way with words. I am always struck by the beautifully simple way he will state the most complex idea. In this book, he explains his thoughts on why God created a beautiful world. If you ever find his books anywhere, buy them! It will be well worth it for your soul.*

a candle's touch

Over the last few weeks, the question keeps arising: how do I have strength to hope? Never mind ME, how do people who live in far greater despair than I find the strength, the will, the belief to hope? To what do we cling when we question everything, including ourselves? To whom do I turn when life crumbles?

If we are to hold anything – and in times of sorrow we must have something to which we can cling- it must be to the unseen. For the strength that is permanent, we have to lean on visions; for immortal hope, we have to trust, not the things that we perceive but those invisible things that our spirits affirm.

– Archibald Rutledge Life’s Extras

*I cannot resist the temptation to note: When I checked out with this book, the lady at the register remarked that she did not think anyone under the age of 40 had ever heard of the man. I was happy to prove her wrong and assure her Ol' Archibald and I were well acquainted. More on him later though.

Post Eighteen: Trust?

creekside

Do I trust Him?

Do I believe in a good God?

Post Seventeen: Lament

hope.

Being rearranged, tried, and prodded at is uncomfortable. It hurts. A LOT sometimes. Trusting the work of the Lord can be so hard. I have always believed that it is wise to question and wrestle through spiritual quandaries. I do not think we must take the work of the Lord blind. He longs for our engagement. 

Ask God. Weep before him. Scream out, if you have to. 

There is great freedom in this.

Ann Voskamp, in her recent book One Thousand Gifts, explains, "Lament is a cry of belief in a good God, a God who has His ear to our hearts, a God who transfigures the ugly into beauty. Complaint is the bitter howl of unbelief in any benevolent God in this moment, a distrust in the love-beat of the Father’s heart."

Post Sixteen: A Quote

growth

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself." 

— C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)

Post Fifteen: Trouble

In this world you will have trouble…

not very reassuring, is it?

Post Fourteen: Remember

in any language

Take this with you: No matter what, God doesn’t stop writing His heart, His story, His message to us.

Post Thirteen- the Will of Another

letting go

Post 13 will be slightly delayed. Look again this evening. :)

Post Twelve: A Choice

the way

"There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, in the end, "Thy will be done." All that are in Hell, choose it. Without that self-choice there could be no Hell. No soul that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it. Those who seek find. Those who knock it is opened. " 

— C.S. Lewis (The Great Divorce)

Post Eleven: Chains and Strings

rusted chains

I hear the voice of the Lord, whispering softly, urgently:

The strings are cut. This is live. This is real. This is Me, pursuing you.

Post Ten: Thy Will

what is counted?

No one who has ever said to God, "Thy will be done," and meant it with his heart, ever failed to find joy - not just in heaven, or even down the road in the future in this world, but in this world at that very moment.     -Peter Kreeft 

Post Nine: Living as One

sublimity

Perhaps I need to dive more into the character of God for another day-- or twelve. One day and one chapter may not be enough. During this process, I am asking, When I say, thy will be done, do I mean it?

These are the dreams of my Partner:

I thought to myself, How wonderful it would be to treat you like children and give you a beautiful land, an inheritance unrivaled among the nations. And I thought, You will call me father, and you won't turn away from me.

This is His promise:

Return, unfaithful Israel, declares the Lord. I won't reject you, for I'm faithful, declares the Lord; I won't stay angry forever.

from Jeremiah 3

I encourage you to do this as well, to supplement what is given here.

Post Eight: Knowing our Partner

viewpoint

Psalm 111-


Praise the Lord!
 I will thank the Lord with all my heart
      as I meet with his godly people.
 How amazing are the deeds of the Lord!
      All who delight in him should ponder them.
 Everything he does reveals his glory and majesty.
      His righteousness never fails.
 He causes us to remember his wonderful works.
      How gracious and merciful is our Lord!
 He gives food to those who fear him;
      he always remembers his covenant.
 He has shown his great power to his people
      by giving them the lands of other nations.
 All he does is just and good,
      and all his commandments are trustworthy.
 They are forever true,
      to be obeyed faithfully and with integrity.
 He has paid a full ransom for his people.
      He has guaranteed his covenant with them forever.
      What a holy, awe-inspiring name he has!
 Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true wisdom.
      All who obey his commandments will grow in wisdom.
 Praise him forever!

Post Seven: As One

his love, stained on my hand

Yesterday, I asked the question: Why is it our human nature, amidst tragedy, to go first to feeling abandoned rather than redeemed? Kelly and Patrio added some beautiful thoughts to the discussion in the comments. Specifically, the Oswald Chambers' words:

We "begin to get the seal of 'damnation' when we realize Jesus Christ came to deliver us from sin, but refuse to let Him do so."

Is this what atonement is?

Honestly, whenever I see or hear the word anywhere, I immediately think of McEwan's book and make a mental-association definition. A young girl, who does something horribly wrong, strives her entire life to fix this wrong. This seems sort of at odds with what I have read in Scripture. Are we to strive to make up for our wrongs? Remember the Reformation?!?! Fine. Maybe my weak- foggy definition needs help. So now, I have to actually look up the word:

Atonement (n.): Theology- the doctrine concerning the reconciliation of God and humankind, especially as accomplished through the life, suffering, and death of Christ. 

That's more like it. Honestly, it sounds a bit like redemption to me. We still have the question: how do we allow Jesus to deliver us from sin? Recently, in a sermon or in a book or in a movie (I am trying to be better at citations, I promise!!!), I heard that atonement is being "at one" or "as one" together. The idea of atonement between ourselves and Christ was likened to marriage. In marriage, two people come together, laying aside their individual lives. They then live ONE LIFE together. Atonement is to be as one with Christ.

The choice seems to be ours...

Why does our human nature feel so abandoned? Because we have walked away from the ONE LIFE we are called to. We leave our Edenic-walk and allow sin to reign. We make gods of ourselves and forget the Dance.

I may go so far as to say we do not truly know our Partner...

Post Six: Hope and Trust

a way through

Redemption is our sin, our slavery, our debt PAID by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. 

If He has done this, surely, we can trust Him with all else.

Question of the week:

Why is it our human nature, amidst tragedy, to go first to feeling abandoned rather than redeemed?

Post Five- Just a Photo

wood and wires

Post Four: Debt of Life

in any language

The debt against me- for ugly sin, for all I have thought, imagined, and done- has not been cancelled. The accounts are not erased. The record remains in bold, black ink... forever.

But this debt, my debt, is paid in full. 

My sin-debt is covered in Christ’s blood. It is the ransom by which my spirit springs from sin-servitude to freedom. Such sweet, undeserved joy is mine.

Post Three: One Scripture

alleyway joy

Mark 10:45

For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served; he came to serve and to give his life to redeem many people.

That is what the Son of Man has done: He came to serve, not to be served—and then to give away his life in exchange for many who are held hostage.

Post Two: Redemption Defined

No Entry

We, as Christians, believe Christ redeemed our lives with His death on the Cross. We speak of the redeeming power of the blood of Christ, but do we know what this means? 

I suppose if I am going to do a blog series on Redemption, I should define the word. Besides, I am an editor of English reference books, so its in my nature to want to define things. Today's entry will be simple definitions:

Redemption means:

1. the state of being redeemed (yeah, need to define this further, so see below)

2. deliverance (this too!); rescue from sin 

3. salvation (protection from harm)

4. atonement for guilt

5. repurchase, as of something sold

Redeem means:

1. to pay off

2. to buy back

3. to exchange

Deliverance means:

1. salvation

2. liberation

3. a thought or judgment expressed; an authoritative pronouncement

A synonym for redemption is "ransom." I always think of the movies with the rich, heiress hostages and the cute police officers who negotiate a way to free the beautiful, smart hostage and capture the evil psychopathic kidnapper. Ransom is mostly used nowadays in a monetary sense. But the meaning is basically the same as redemption. Think of Christ's blood as the ransom to free us from sin's bondage. 

An antonym for redemption is "abandon." In difficult times, this is exactly what we think God has done, isn't it? 

But I am getting ahead of myself...

Post One: The Beginning

thought is the wine of the soul

September, bringing fall and another anniversary of life, shocked me with its complexity. I have wrestled, for some time, with the idea of how the ransoming of our souls by Jesus Christ interplays with our every day. Its as if I was being bolstered to face the knocks of this month.

September found me crying before the Lord, “Where is Your redemption? How will You deliver us?” This Israelite-echo filled my mind.

They call them the Children of 9/11, bringing to mind Rushdie’s Midnight Children. The babies, in womb, when their fathers were killed in 2001. These children are nine, turning ten in a few short months. Their lives are drastically different than other nine year old lives. They do run with total abandon through school playgrounds. They do make mudpies, play soccer, or build blanket forts in quite the same way. They cannot revel in their childhood. At least not without the press looking on. These children are toted before newspapers and magazines. These are asked “how do you feel…” about things a nine year old should not face for another ten years-- at least. At the magazine stand, I see their eyes stare through glossy covers and penetrate me. Lives torn apart. No one to coach soccer practice. No one to throw the ball with. No daddy to join the tea party. Children, made adults before first earth-breath. Father, can this be Your will?

Tree-climber, book-lover, peaceful-dreamer, and friend. She stares hurt head-on today. Deep, uncomfortable hurt. She faces something I have not- the death of a family member. She explains to her eleven month old, “Grandma is in heaven.” She holds her sister-in-law, bursting with child, and cries her soul out dry. She turns to her husband, aching for words to support, struggling in the grieving. She mourns the loss of a mother by marriage. She mourns the loss of her son’s grandmother- for no one loves, spoils and dotes quite like a grandmother does. The children, in womb and in hand, do not know. But she knows. Can there be good in this too, Lord?

“You just watch these babies grow and then fade. You don't know if you're supposed to name them, or bury them, or...” ¹ Each month, the hope grows. Each month, the tears fall, heavy and breaking and devastating. Names are uttered, rooms are envisioned. “But every time we pseudo-name, it all comes crashing down.” What can you say to the empty womb, refusing to fill? Namer of all, will you breath life?

                                              ------------------------------------------

September found me crying in joy. Sons, born seven thousand miles away, found their way home. Home to a father and a mother. Home to another brother. Home to love. And I cry, because although the womb is empty and dreams freeze cold, You breathe life. There is a family that transcends circumstance. There is a Life that defeats death. There is a Hope. For all of us. HOPE.

I ask that you, reader, join me on this search. Ponder these words. Take them with you into the fresh air and the closed offices of your lives. Hold them on your tongues. Roll them through your thoughts until they reach your soul. Ask questions with me to figure out how our lives are to reflect, honor, and represent Him. Join me in this struggle with Love's redemption.

Find a way to respond. When things strike a nerve, ask why. Comment here or email me. Or, talk with friends as you wrestle through. But do not let the truth float by ungrappled.

¹-(from the movie Away We Go by Dave Eggers and Vendela Vida)