dreaming of amsterdam

i want to write about veteran's day but i feel inadequate. i suppose, really, you only need to be open to honoring the life of another person to understand the purpose of the day. but there is really so much more that i fear i would soil the day with my misunderstanding and my ignorance.

at the football game on saturday, we had military appreciation/veteran's day events at halftime. i dont normally pay attention to the halftime show- its too much pomp for me. but this game was different. the pageantry was missing. in its place was silence: the clouds rolled in over Death Valley in the last few minutes of the first half. a chill was in the air and the sun had taken away his warmth. the mournful tones of bagpipes filled the stadium of some odd 88,000 people. a breeze picked up and silence fell amongst a crowd notorious for their noise levels. no one around me spoke. someone had a radio commentating another football game at their tailgate. as the wind surrounded us, someone opened the net that held hundreds of balloons. each color represented a person who did something extraordinary during war. i wish my memory could be more specific, but it cannot. only the emotion remains. as the balloons drifted into the air--orange, yellow, red, blue, white-- i could only follow one color. black. the black balloons represented the MIAs from vietnam. as the music ended, the balloons continued to fly away into the sky.

the last count i have of american soldiers who have died since the start of the iraq war is 2754. but that was weeks ago. i never dreamed this would happen to my generation--to my friends.

and so, tonight, i dream of a place i have never been. of a place i may never go. of a place where winter is wonderland and children can forget the terrors. a place far, far away from my life. a place where i can escape.