been a weird few weeks. makes me wish i smoked. maybe then i could relieve anxiety.
dont know why im so anxious. i think i need another island. i've been drifting... instead of islands, all i find are other drifters. i just want to stop treading water for a little while. take a breather.
at night, i stare out into the darkness until i see light. imaginary or real, i dont care. i just keep on staring until it grows in my eye. i keep staring til it consumes me. then i wake in a sweat and out of breath.
everything i want to do, i dont do. the things i keep fighting off are the very things i am drawn to. and im so weary of not knowing who i am anymore.
and so i turn to the imaginary fixes and i keep pretending i am O.K. but im not...
i dont think i ever will be.