amaireach

I am tired of tomorrows. of always hoping for the next day to be better. On a blog that Trey recently referred me to, the girl wrote:

Waiting patiently to believe what I know to be true.

Those words have stuck with me. I am waiting-though not always so patiently- to believe I am supposed to be in Clemson this summer- to believe I am doing the right thing- to believe that I am so human as to miss my friends- and to believe I can belong in this summer crowd.

But, I am tired of waiting for the next day to be more fun, more productive, more life-goal achieving, more part-of-the-group. I am tired. of always feeling new. I want to be somebody's old friend- from years and years ago. Im tired of being moved around so much and never being a part of anything.

The worst part about this is that I know I'll leave here. I know I must move on to different places, new friends, strange jobs. Its a fact of life. and that fact leads me to not want to continue being open and vulnerable. I just want to curl into myself.

Amaireach- I am tired of tomorrows.