an avo at JJs

In Lamott's book, she tells of her church and how supporting and encouraging they were throughout her pregnancy. They would slip money into her pockets to help her out, financially and emotionally:

I was usually filled with a sense of something like shame until I'd remember that wonderful line of Blake's--that we are here to learn to endure the beams of love--and I would take a long deep breath and force these words out of my strangulated throat: "Thank you."

I hear my shame echoed in hers. Years later, when Lamott was financially sound, one lady in the church had continued to give her sandwich bags filled with dimes and wrapped with wire:

... whats so dazzling to me, whats so painful and poignant, is that she doesnt bother with what I think she knows or doesnt know about my financial life. She just knows we need another bag of dimes...

I've had quite a time lately--struggling with people's gifts, trying to keep a vestige of pride, grappling with my inadequacy at providing for myself--and its hard. I learn a lot about my inability to depend fully on God and a lot about generosity and love. Perhaps someday I'll have the opportunity to give bags of dimes to someone who needs to know:
i believe in whats going on in your life. and i love you.

taken from traveling mercies by anne lamott.

1 comment:

  1. you can sooo come and visit your home in germany. i´m already waiting for you.
    love you and miss you lots...