spring brings [showers]

I have this sweet friend who has, to the best of my knowledge, prayed a particular prayer twice in her life. Her prayer was a petition to the Lord to soften her heart, to open her eyes to see things as He does, to make her a "cryer." I laughed the first time she told me because I don't know many people who cry more than Melissa. I wasn't laughing at my friend or even at the irony, but at the beauty of the Lord being true to His word. (He can make me laugh like that sometimes.) Shortly after Melissa shared this prayer with me, I felt my own soul hardening. I was shoring myself up to protect against new city, new friends, new church hurts. I hemmed in my feelings and closed off my heart a bit.  But her words came back to me, several months in, reminding me of the beauty in vulnerability. And so, I prayed the prayer of my friend. I asked to be broken for things that breaks Him, to cry over the things He mourns, to see the world-in glory and in pain- as He does.

I should have known it was coming. 

On a women's retreat a month back, I was given a word: "He is bringing you to a place that you will know what it means to have His peace pass all understanding." Its glaringly obvious now. Honestly, I was a bit wary then, but decided to trust. I knew my Lord would carry me. I spent a month in the Word and in prayer. Foreshadowing can ruin a good plot line, but it can also save a heroine's courage. 

Here I am, tonight, raw with crying the tears of others. I will not explain what is going on here. Those stories are not mine to share and may do more damage in telling than in secreting and crying. Suffice it to say, I am broken. I sense my Savior weeping over this too. Since Thursday last, I have cried daily, I have stood before the Lord and wondered, "Why this? Why him? Why now?" and I have heard the sweet voice of my Savior whispering to me, pointing to the light and the power, guiding my words and my vision. Though I weep, He will sustain my strength. He will give words to encourage and to remind. I am thankful for the peace, though I understand it not.  

If you think of it, friend, lift me up to the Lord. I carry heavy burdens this month, and I fear I will be overwhelmed.

It does not escape my notice that I am also in Lent. 
It does not escape me that the Lord's timing is impeccable.
It does not escape me that today is the first day of Spring, my metaphor of hope.

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