"i ran for miles, just to see what i was made of"

do you ever have time where you realize you are not as durable as you thought you were? where you find out you are not really the tough, enduring, strong person you made yourself out to be? i do that all the time. i constantly let myself down and get frustrated with how i treat people, in my response to circumstances, with choices i make that are less than wise. even if i tried to run for miles, i would be disappointed because i'd last ten minutes, get bored, and give up.

so then how am i supposed to live with myself if i am constantly surprised and let down by ME, the person I should know the best?

i have been making concerted efforts this week to be happy and to enjoy the moments of every day- to just be and to love every moment of it. i have tried to be positive and to find joy in the small moments throughout the day. i have a lot of great things going for me, and i am so very blessed. my friends are all positive people who i love being around because their love and expressions are worthy of envy. i have always hoped some of it will rub off on me. that was foolish. i have to do it myself.

all that being said, i am moving back to Clemson. its a long, elaborate, emotional story. maybe we'll grab coffee one day and i can share with you.